If drinking has become a problem for you, there’s a good chance it is negatively impacting your relationships. When you drink in excess, you devote a lot of time, energy, thought, and planning to alcohol. To some extent, alcohol becomes your priority and primary focus. Alcohol and relationships often don’t work well together.
When Alcohol Comes First
Healthy relationships take work. They require at least the same level of time, energy, thought, and planning as you are putting towards your relationship with alcohol. Relationships require time to communicate, honesty, openness, and shared experiences. If you are focused on drinking, there’s generally not enough left for your relationships.
If you have a romantic partner and regularly consume excess alcohol, it can become as if there’s a third person in the relationship. That third wheel is alcohol. Rather than connecting with and developing emotional intimacy with your partner, you are putting all that energy into your drinking. The alcohol can rewire your brain so that your thinking becomes centered on drinking. It can alter your brain chemistry so you need alcohol to feel OK.
How Friendships Are Affected
Alcohol can also negatively impact friendships. Some people who regularly drink in excess choose friends who do the same. The relationship may be completely centered on drinking. In fact, you might find you have little in common with these drinking buddies other than wanting to drink. These friendships may lack any real emotional intimacy.
Meanwhile, your relationships with folks who aren’t your drinking buddies may suffer. Maybe they can’t or don’t want to keep up with your drinking. You may say or do something to alienate them when you’re intoxicated. Or perhaps the relationship becomes all about them trying to get you to cut down on drinking. It’s also really hard to invest sufficient energy in friendship when a lot of your energy goes to your relationship with alcohol.
Choosing Connection Over Isolation
But it’s possible to cut down on drinking and heal your relationships. First, decide why this is important to you. Be honest about how alcohol is impacting your relationships. Maybe ask yourself if your relationship with alcohol is starting to feel lonely and isolating? What changes in how you drink would best align with the kinds of relationships you’d like to have?
Mindful drinking involves thoughtfully getting to the heart of why you drink. Pay attention to situations, moods, thought patterns, people, and places that tend to lead to drinking. Rather than automatically reaching for a drink, try to be present-focused and notice your thoughts and feelings. Find healthy coping tools to replace drinking. The movement practices, journaling prompts, and hypnotherapy on the Unconscious Moderation app can help in this process.
Avoid people and places associated with excess drinking and seek out a healthy support system and friendships.
Invest the energy you used to put into drinking into these new healthy relationships and restore your old connections.
Soon, you’ll be feeling less isolated and enjoying emotional intimacy which comes with real relationships.